Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club
by Cereal-Killa
Summary: Write letters to The Super Duncan Fan Club: AKA- fangirls addicted to Duncan. Have fun -smiles wickedly- (DISCONTINUED)
1. DunCourt Heartbreak, Peaty Panic, Lame

**Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club**

Dear Super Duncan Fan Club:

I have been watching TDWT. I have been very much in LUV with Total Drama since season two's little DxC fiesta. But now, my wittle Duncan has cheated on Courtney!

This is CRAZY, I mean WTF, DunCourt was SO hawt!

Why would Duncan do such a thing?

Sincerely, DunCourt Heartbreak

Dear Heartbreak:

I know right! Courtney receives our love. But we cannot blame Duncan for the horrid things that aren't really that horrid when he does them. We cannot blame him due to the fact that the bitches want him. No, no, no! Duncan is just TOO smexy for his own good.

We hope that you can get over yourself and realize Duncan is all powerful. You'll never know the truth in life until you realize he's an awesome guy.

Don't you just think about it sometimes? If everyone loved Duncan, there would be no more war, and JFK probably wouldn't have gotten shot, and Adam probably wouldn't have taken the apple from the tree. Or was that Eve…? Anyway.

It doesn't matter if he cheated on Courtney! If it was anyone else, yeah, I'd be SUPER DUPER pissy, but I'm not, 'cause it's not anyone else, this is DUNCAN. Duncan people. The guy who's ass is better than yours?

In a few words: So what, hoe? He's still the shit.

Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club

_-Duncan-Duncan-Duncan-_

Dear Super Duncan Fan Club:

I was watching Total Drama Island when I realized that Duncan's dog Peaty ran away from him! Can I get some background information on this?

Sincerely, Peaty Panic

Dear Panic:

Of course this was all too incorrect! I mean who in HELL would think of running away from God himself, Duncan?

Peaty wasn't a dog. He was actually a pit bull. I don't really know what a pit bull is, but that's not the point!

Anyways, he would follow Duncan EVERYWHERE! He loved him with all his heart and soul, as everyone who comes in contact with Duncan does. There was this other bunny who saw Peaty with Duncan. The bunny got jealous. So it killed Peaty with its carrot.

Peaty's prepared good bye note was on Duncan's bed the next morning. Duncan always thought Peaty had run away, as it said in the note. He cried his tears, as all punks-who-really-have-a-heart-of-gold-even-if-they-cheat-on-people-and-torture-red-headed-nerds do.

The bunny then died because it made Duncan cry. The devil himself came and claimed the bunny because he was so hurt that the bunny had made such a lovely creature cry. The bunny rotted in hell and as far as Duncan knows, Peaty still roams the streets.

THE END!

Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club

_Duncan-Duncan-Duncan_

Dear Super Duncan Fan Club:

Duncan isn't real.

Sincerely, You Guys Are Lame

Dear Lame:

How about you go f*ck yourself? Of course Duncan's real. If he wasn't real we'd have no point in living anymore!

How dare you! May the TDI devils curse you for spreading such lies! Hiss, boo! Gosh! You ignorant slime!

Your MOM!

Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club

A/N: You can send letters to the Super Duncan Fan Club too!

Sorry, anyone who was offended. I just felt that I could make fun of Duncan fan girls because I am one. :P Don't like, don't read!

But anyways, thanks for reading guys!


	2. DuncanLUVA!, ColorfulRain, MeetN'Greet

**Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club**

Dear Super Duncan Fan Club:

O.! There was like, so some girl I was talking to, like, so totally dissed Duncan! I was talking to her, and she was like, "How can you like that super hot smexy bad boy of awesomeness?" Ok, maybe that wasn't her exact words but STILL. Can you believe that!11!1!1!

Sincerely, DuncanLUVA!

(Submitted by TrueJackVP408)

Dear Luva:

No way! NO WAY! She had to be kidding right!

Let me count the reasons why you and I should love that super hot smexy bad boy of awesomeness:

ONE: This dude is hotter than like, everyone. I mean he's just got it going on! He's like so hot, with that unibrow!

TWO: He's the sweet pea of my eye! He's everything! He's bad, he's sweet, he can cheat and still be awesome!

There are too many reasons to count! I am NOT just stopping because I can't think of anymore. It's just because I'm afraid that if I continue writing the reasons and never stop, I will never run out of reasons and therefore my hand will fall off, crumple, and die.

And that shouldn't happen to my hand. It should happen to anyone who has one horrible thought about the smexy beast that we have come to call our lord and savior! Hello, I mean Duncan!

You should be part of the fan club! Anyone who disses Duncan can suck it.

Imagine a world without Duncan. It would be like a world without air, or water, or without the hottest thing to ever rock your world! Some people are just jealous hon. As long as you stay committed to Duncan, you can believe that the rest of your life will be the most bestest nicest sweetest hottest time you've ever had.

Hell, if you keep up the good work, you might just get to touch him one day! That's my entire goal in life.

Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club

_-Duncan-Duncan-Duncan-_

Dear Super Duncan Fan Club:

Duncan is an insecure asshole that think being 'bad' will lead his life to success. We all know he can't hold onto one relationship at a time, and it's no wonder Peaty ran away from the pierced delinquent. In all, there is no real definition to the word 'Duncan', and we'll never know what he'll do next. Who knows, he might start dating Noah or something.

Sincerely, ColorfulRain

(Submitted by ColorfulRain ())

Dear Rain:

OK, honestly, I seriously didn't understand half of that. He is not an asshole. He's just a man, a hot, sexy man, who sometimes gets himself in trouble-even-though-it's-all-his-fault-we're-not-going-to-blame-him type of guy.

Hello, he doesn't HAVE to hold onto one relationship at a time! I'd date Duncan even if he was dating other girls. Because he's too good for just one person, or two, or forty. He deserves them all, even if he's never done anything nice for anybody since the first season.

I thought I already said this!

Peaty did NOT run away. He was murdered by a jealous bunny. Will you ever learn?

UGH! No definition? NO DEFINITION?

The definition is the hottest thing you're stupid eyes ever got the luck to see, bitch!

Noah's lucky then. Luckiest bastard in the world for tapping that smoking hot, pierced ass.

_-Duncan-Duncan-Duncan-_

Dear Super Duncan Fan Club:

If you ever had a chance to meet Duncan, and you could only say three words, what would those words be?

Sincerely, Meet-N'-Greet Duncan

Dear Meet-N'-Greet:

What would I say?

FUCK ME.

Oh wait. You said three words?

FUCK ME NOW.

Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club

A/N: Again, no offense. Trying to be as fangirl-ish as possible.

I am also going to use ALL the letters sent in, do not worry! Two fan made letters per chapter, 1 me made letter. :D Don't feel left out.

Thank you TrueJackVP408 and ColorfulRain()!

Thanks for reading!


	3. SplendorStruck, Duncan Luva, PunchOut

**Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club**

Dear Super Duncan Fan Club:

Like, how do I get the guys at school to become Duncan? Like, they're nowhere near Duncan's shmexiness, and I think they're all idiots. Gosh.

Any tips?

Sincerely, SplendorStruck

(Submitted by: SplendorStruck)

Dear Splendor:

Have you been in our top secret files or something? Because we have been dreaming of that forever, experimenting, throwing out various ways to make enough Duncan's for the rest of us. We have in fact ripped out about twenty hairs from his Mohawk to use as DNA samples and still have had no luck in finding a perfect way to make a pierced smoking hot bad boy for everyone to enjoy.

No guy can live up to Duncan standards. I mean, comparing any other guy to Duncan is like comparing Beth to Megan Fox. Just dumb.

Yeah, they aren't anywhere near his shmexiness level, and the closest they are going to get is nowhere close, considering Duncan is light-years ahead of all of us in the 'I want to fuck you' time continuum. It's said that if you touch Duncan, god with bless you forever and you'll become immortal. And not like any of that lame vampire shit either. You don't sparkle. You glow. Because having physical contact with Duncan will light up your life forever.

Ugh, they are all idiots. Not Duncan though, even though he's never gotten an A in anything and can barely spell his full name. Just because he's too good to try doesn't mean that he's not a FREAKING GENIUS. I'm very sure that Duncan could kill us all right now with his killer mind and smexiness skills. Right at this moment, we could all be dead. But you know what? Duncan is too kind to do that. He has a heart of gold. Because everyone who carries a pocket knife truthfully has a heart of gold.

Tips? TIPS? How about you just tell all the boys to study Duncan? Maybe they'll learn a few things, though mastering the art of smexy Duncan kung-fu is impossible.

Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club

-_Duncan-Duncan-Duncan_-

Dear Super Duncan Fan Club:

I LUV DUNCAN! But I miss D/C. But this is my question: What do you think of D/G and do you still like Gwen?

Sincerely, Duncan Luva

(Submitted by: Duncan Luva ())

Dear Duncan Luva:

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Here's the thing. Duncan/Courtney didn't really end, did it? I think we're just in the twilight zone or something right now, because how could people who are complete opposites and who fight all the time ever break up?

But anyways, it does make sense. Courtney couldn't handle the thought of Duncan having more than one woman, which is COMPLETELY insane! Duncan deserves to have anyone he wants, any time, any place. If Duncan tries to rape you in an alley, you better sure as hell say yes, because this is God sparing you from a life of nothing. If Duncan wants to tap that ass, he's gonna tap that ass, thank you very much.

I don't like Gwen anymore because she thinks it's cool to have Duncan all to herself, and I hate Courtney because she though the same thing. Gwen is pretty much a ass and Courtney has always been one. So to say that I still like Gwen, I'd say NO! I never liked her. She was always hitting on Trent and then, once Duncan gets all cool and stuff, decides to hit on him. Can't she see that so many of us have been trying to whoo him for like, five years?

Girl thinks it's cool to take my spot! Yeah RIGHT! All this time, I was waiting for Courtney to get out of the picture so I could have him for myself and then she gets him!... But Duncan should be shared. It's OK. If I had to share Duncan with Gwen, I could do it. I could also kill Gwen, but not if that made Duncan unhappy.

So no. I hate that bitch.

Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club

_-Duncan-Duncan-Duncan_-

Dear Super Duncan Fan Club:

I was watching TDWT, and Cody totally punched out Duncan! Can you give me an explanation as to how Duncan is so rough and tough if this so-called 'geek' could punch his lights out?

Sincerely, Punch-Out

Dear Punch:

What? Do you really believe that?

Like Cody could ever even TOUCH that beautiful god! Yeah right. The camera crew obviously did some special effects because Duncan. Is. Untouchable.

I mean, if you want to believe that Duncan isn't tough, then so be it. But don't pissed at me when the devil comes to take away your soul for thinking such wrong thoughts of the one and only beauty that has made me realize that life has purpose: Duncan.

WHY IS EVERYONE HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME COMPREHENDING THAT DUNCAN IS DE SHET?

I'll punch your lights out, hoe!

Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club

A/N: They call you a hoe and still have the respect to say 'Love'.

Thanks to SplendorStruck and Duncan Luva () for the letters! And thanks everyone else for theirs! I'll use them all in upcoming chapters.

Thanks everyone for reading!


	4. Duncney, Bloody Basketball, Never Die

**Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club **

Dear Super Duncan Fan Club:

Duncan is a God isn't he? Well as close to one as any human can get. Yes it was wrong of him to cheat. And yes I send all of my love to Courtney. But let's face it. Duncan's a smexy beast who could win over any girl by just blinking at them. And I'm glad he tortures Harold. It makes him even hotter. AND HE WORKS THAT UNIBROW!

Sincerely, Duncney crazed and you know it!

P.S DIE GWEN DIE

(Submitted by: faxnesslover)

Dear Duncney Crazed:

I'm sorry, did you say 'Duncney Crazed' and not just 'Duncan Crazed?' I'm afraid to inform you that loving Duncan/Courtney does NOT profile as Duncan obsession. You CANNOT join the Super Duncan Fan Club due to the fact that you are biased and Courtney-based. What? You say you never asked to join the fan club? Well, you didn't have to. Duncan knows all, so there-fore as his obsessive fans, we know ALL! And we know you were praying that we would pick you out of all the other Duncan-obsessed girls.

Well, here's what we think about Courtney:

She's alright, and only because she understand the sexiness of Duncan. Her crude comments toward him are what make her an UNGRATEFUL BITCH ASS MOTHER F*CKER. She continues to show hate towards Duncan which means she is going to die soon. Because all Duncan haters die, in the end. Duncan lovers are forever blessed with immortality.

I know this for a fact because Duncan comes to me in my dreams and tells me that he loved me, then we make smexy sex and then he tells me that all bitches who hate him will die and that I'll live forever. One of the most vile Duncan haters I've ever met has to be my therapist. She's a bitch. Whenever I tell her that the all powerful lord Duncan is coming to kill her, she makes me take these pills. Yeah right! I'm not taking those! They'll probably make me stop having sex with Duncan in my dreams.

Yes, his tortures to Harold are quite a turn on! He really knows how to make someone fall in love. I wish all guys would beat up poor defenseless nerds to the point of mental and physical aggravation. If only every guy could act like an ass hole but not be classified as one because THIS IS DUNCAN PEOPLE. The only thing that should pass your mind when you think 'Duncan' and 'asshole' is "God, do I want that ass!"

The unibrow is SUPER freaking hot! It makes all the difference. Because one eyebrow is just… just… UGH! He so F*CKING hot it pains me! Like it literally brings me to tears when I think about Duncan and how without him, none of our lives would be what they are today. Praise him. Just praise him for all he's done for this world and all the girls that he blesses with his presence.

It just makes me want to cry, he's so… gosh, he just lights up the life of everyone he meets, even if they don't know that. Got it, Duncan haters? He made you what you are today! You cannot deny your Duncan-love forever. So suck it.

Oh yeah! Gwen can die. She won't share Duncan. (BITCH)

Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club

_-Duncan-Duncan-Duncan-_

Dear The Super Duncan Fan Club:

Oh loooook, ANOTHER Duncan fan club that revolves all around the stupid, ignorant, arrogant, douche bag of a man who is SO not hot. The, unibrow, DUH! You keep defending him but NO ONE can ignore the fact that he cheated on his girlfriend. Or does Duncan's little army get around THAT little piece of info? Yeah, I knew you couldn't! So, Duncan= the center of the world? AN equation for: THE WORLD ENDING IN ASHES! So have fun in your little fan club because that's ALL the love Duncan will get.

Sincerely, Bloody Basketball

(Submitted by: Bloody Basketball)

Dear Basketball:

Wow! Just f*cking wow. I can't even process that, it was so MEAN. OK, first things first: We are the BIGGEST Duncan fan club that you have never heard of! Gosh. I mean, we've been focusing on Duncan for as long as I care to remember!

So not hot? It's people like you that make Duncan sad. And you know what happens when Duncan is sad, right? The world starts going out of f*cking orbit! Volcanoes explode, tornado's pop out of nowhere, Typhoons circle the globe, natural disasters hit the most unlikely places when Duncan is upset. It's because the God's decide that Duncan crying means that the world doesn't care about the most PRECIOUS thing to hit this planet. If you make Duncan too upset, we will all die. So I really suggest you stop talking before we all get hit by a typhoon and die.

And I can totally ignore the fact that he cheated on his girlfriend. I CAN! And many other Duncan fan-girls probably can too! Suck it up! It's not about Courtney! It's about that FINE FINE FINE hot ass! About how he makes everyone's lives better, more holy, more pure, how he brings life to this world even if his only interests are burning things and using his pocket knife!

The only reason that it would end in ashes is because Duncan is too hot for all of us! Ha!

Duncan gets love from everyone! They don't even know they love him, and they do! Because it's just that easy to love a punk who will push you off a cliff before he smiles at you! I mean, OMG, you are just denying everything. Duncan doesn't need your dirty, not really all that sane love. He doesn't want it. But he deserves it, god damn it. He's never done anything good in his life, but he deserves it.

Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club

_-Duncan-Duncan-Duncan-_

Dear Super Duncan Fan Club:

You always say that Duncan will make you immortal. Is Duncan immortal himself, or will he one day die?

Sincerely, Never Die Duncan?

Dear Never Die:

Well, what do you think? He's the most beautiful thing to walk this world, bitch! Of course he won't die! Because if he did, I'd have no purpose anymore!

I mean, why would he die? He can't die… He CAN'T DIE, OK? IF HE DIED… bad things would happen! So he won't die. Ever.

End of conversation. Damn you for bringing up such a terrible subject. He would never die, you ass hole. Goodness.

Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club

A/N: Some of these letter are seriously pissing off the Duncan fan girls. D:

Thanks to faxnesslover and Bloody Basketball for the letters!

And thanks to everyone for reading!


	5. Purple&Black, Cabgrant, Metal Head

**Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club**

Dear Super Duncan Fan Club:

One of my best Friends told me Duncan use to be #1 on her list, but after he got together with Courtney, He went to number 2. He is behind Trent. SERIOUSLY, THAT 9 OBSESSED WEIRD-O! I mean come on, Duncan is god and Trent is creepy. I like Trent but TDA ruined him, and Duncan is every one of those words Gwen used in TDA episode 3 and more. You're hot; you look hot, sexy, and stud-like!

P.S. Sorry if I offended Trent fans, but I think Duncan is number 1. Also sorry for my long ramble.

Sincerely, iluvpurpleandblack99

(Submitted by: iluvpurpleandblack99 ())

Dear Purpleandblack:

Well, you know, we were mighty upset about Duncan/Courtney too. Anyone would be. Everyone tends to get a little protective over Duncan and believe that he is right for them even if most people don't prefer assholes-who-cheat-and-steal-and-lie-and-are-crude-to-their-momma's type. But it's Duncan! SO he's captivating anyway!

See, we've discovered that there must be some type of disease or something, one that prevents people from falling in love/stalker/obsession with Duncan. And let me tell you something: it's fatal! As I said, all non-Duncan lovers die, so all haters will be killed. That's not a threat (but take it as one) and we mean no harm (though if you experience pain it wouldn't hurt us)! But you should understand that once you start feeling even the smallest amount of doubt in Duncan… you will die. So be prepared, mother f*ckers!

Trent is OK, but he's kind of an ass for getting on Duncan and claiming Duncan was trying to steal his girlfriend. First thing: Trent needs to get over himself and be happy that Duncan would even give his girlfriend a passing glance. Second: Gwen isn't really worth fighting over. He might think he's all hot and stuff, but he should have been fighting _Gwen_ over _Duncan._

I mean, really though, do you want a Goth girl or the ultimate hotness that decided to bless you with his presence? Trent is a dumbass for ever questioning Duncan and blinding hotness.

And don't say sorry. DON'T. Trent fans, please take offence, because Trent sucks for not being Duncan. You suck for not being Duncan. We are all sinners for not being DUNCAN. The only way to get even a hint of purity is to pledge your life to Duncan- such as the members of The Super Duncan Fan Club. So if you want to go to whenever you think you're gonna go after death, I really suggest you check into Hotel Le Duncan. Or you'll burn in hell.

DUNCAN IS #1! Thank goodness we have gotten through to another soul. The Duncan God's bless you for your kind words.

Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club

-Duncan-Duncan-Duncan-

Dear Super Duncan Fan Club:

You're just another group of bully supporters who condone people who bully others who are placed in the categories of nerd and geek, e.g. Harold and Cody. No one should enjoy Harold being tormented by that delinquent Duncan even though Harold shouldn't have sabotaged Courtney. Duncan is not good-looking, and he's a bully, arrogant and a dumbass. There were so many cruel moments throughout the three TD series that Duncan committed and yet people are giving him a pass because of one or two small acts of kindness he did, e.g.: finding DJ a new bunny.

And I hate that stupid double standard when it comes to looks. I mean Eva has a Unibrow just like Duncan and people think she's unattractive and are turned off by her having one, but when it comes to Duncan's unibrow, silly female fans thinks he's still hot and sexy with it.

Sincerely, cabgrant

(Submitted by: cabgrant)

Dear Cab:

I mean, really, are you haters not listening to anything? Do you really want to DIE?

What the F*CK does e.g. mean? Evil Gwen? Are you an evil Gwen fan who is coming to try and rant on us because Gwen isn't as hawt as DUNCAN-POO?

OK, well then! 'Evil Gwen', prepared for your doom.

If no one should enjoy Harold being tormented, why do so many people around the globe LAUGH at Harold's expense? That's right! Because Duncan is doing it. Most people would NEVER condone such rude acts against poor, defenseless red heads, but, um, HELLO? It's Duncan. I'm pretty sure I've already said that he can rock your world.

WHOA. WHOA. Wait one BITCHING second.

Duncan isn't good looking?

DUNCAN isn't good looking?

Wow. You really are 'Evil Gwen'. You just got yourself a one way ticket to our town, honey, and that town is called KICK ASS! Meaning your ass WILL be sore. The statement that Duncan 'isn't good looking' is such a lie that your momma just showed up and told us she's ashamed. See? Your mom knows what to believe, and that's the fact that Duncan is the hottest to ever come on your TV screen. Are you really going to disagree with your own momma?

In the name of Duncan, because HE DID save DJ's bunny, because he didn't have to but he did, and because he did this one small act of kindness, AKA the only act of kindness he's possibly EVER preformed in his whole life, you need to give up your life to him. Because Duncan helped DJ. You want to follow in his footsteps and be kind to DJ too, right? Well then DON'T disappoint Duncan or DJ and listen to your momma, and hear her, I mean REALLY hear her when she says that you need to feel that you want to f*ck Duncan. Or bad things will happen!

So 'Evil Gwen', I really suggest you get over Eva and her unibrow and realized that only one person can pull that off: Duncan! And double standard? I'm very sure I never said anything about double. All you need is one, and that one is DUNCAN!

Hopefully you can see the light, because it you keep talking like that, you're sure to get hit by a train, bitch.

Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club

-Duncan-Duncan-Duncan-

Dear Super Duncan Fan Club:

If you had a chance to give Duncan a piercing, where would you pierce him?

Sincerely, Metal Head

Dear Metal:

Wow! What a question! If I had a chance to pierce Duncan anywhere, it's have to be somewhere down by his big, awesome ****!

Or maybe his tongue. But it all depends!

Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club

A/N: Don't you just love those fan girls?

I'm sorry for the rude, rude, crude comments up there guys. Just being very fan-girlish for the sake of comedy. :D

Thanks iluvpurpleandblack99 () and cabgrant for the letters! :)

Thanks for reading!


	6. Nekonaito, xXxPaperFlowersxXx, Fashion

Dear SDFC:

You know that Noah can out-smile, out-sex, out-hotwhenwet, and out-everything Duncan?

Sincerely, neko-naito

(Submitted by: neko-naito)

Dear Neko:

Oh, LOL. You are so f*cking funny. That was a bitch move, Noah-lover. A bitch move.

We hear from people like you EACH day. Noah lovers tend to always want him to trump Duncan, which is IMPOSSIBLE! Duncan/Noah is a pairing, right? As much I refuse to believe that Duncan is gay, I must say that IF HE WAS (hypothetically), he would definitely be the man in the relationship. Why, you ask? Well, ignorant people like you must think it's funny to question Duncan's lovely exterior, don't you? You think it's funny to refuse the obvious lust you have for Duncan which over takes every single living organism on the planet! Well HA freakin' HA, you bastard!

Why would Duncan be the man in the relationship? WHY? DO I REALLY HAVE TO GO ALL CAPS LOCK BITCHY-MODE ON YOU? BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE TO GO INTO CAPS LOCK MODE, BUT AS YOU CAN OBVIOUSLY SEE, I WILL NOT HESISTATE! IF I HAVE TO GO INTO CAPS LOCK MODE TO DEFEND DUNCAN, THEN GUESS WHAT BITCH? THAT'S RIGHT. IT'S TIME FOR UNECCESARY CAPS!

**AND LOTS AND LOTS OF BOLDING**

UNDERLINING

AND

_ITALICS!_

FINISH IT OFF WITH RANDOM EXCLAMTION MARKS WHERE THEY DON'T !BELONG! AND THEN YOU ARE WORKING IT, MY FRIEND!

I THEN COMBINED THEM ALL TOGETHER TO LET YOU KNOW MY POINT IN A QUITE ANNOYING AND OVERLY IMMATURE WAY:

_**DUNCAN IS SO TOTALLY THE MAN IN THE RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE HE COULD OUT-MAN NOAH ANY DAY!1!1!1 **_

And: Just so you know, Noah's smile is… revolting, at least compared to our beautiful Duncan. As for sex… do you really think Noah gets _anything? _Outhotwhenweyt? Um, excuse me, but Duncan looks so hot when he's wet that other people need to take a dip just to cool off (SIZZLE). And out-everything? You are totally making up words, you .

Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club

_-Duncan-Duncan-Duncan-_

Dear Super Duncan Fan Club:

First off, I want to say one thing;

Duncan CHEATED. CHEATED, CHEATED, CHEATED. There's no way to justify it. And I guarantee you, if he was with you, then ran off with another girl, you'd be crying your eyes out. Because, in your eyes, "He's a smexi beast who rocks his unibrow!"

Secondly, he's not a bad boy anymore. He's a jerk. Get it right.

And lastly, I used to love Duncan, with all my heart. But, when he began to go back on his word and become someone I didn't even recognize, it had to stop.

Sincerly, Paper:P

PS. ONLY ED. CAN ROCK. UNIBROWS. IT'S JUST A FACT. ;D

(Submitted by: xXxPaperFlowersxXx)

Dear Paper:

Obviously, you haven't been paying attention. Duncan may have quote: 'CHEATED. CHEATED, CHEATED, CHEATED,': unquote, but there is a way to justify it. Duncan deserves WAY better than Courtney, and more girls than just one. I mean, to satisfy him, he deserves like… you, and me, and your momma, and your daddy, and all of our bald-headed grannies. It's just a fact of like that you should give your soul to Duncan because if you think about it, you don't really have anything else in your life that's worthwhile.

If he was with me? You just ruined your whole argument right there! Dating Duncan for even a millisecond is something to cherish, because in that SMALL, SMALL moment, you were a part of something bigger, something that isn't understandable, and that it the beautiful HOTNESS of Duncan! It really doesn't get any better than him, and knowing that he had accepted you, even if it was just for sex (And why would you care? I hope that's what it's for!), you were an actual part of Duncan's love, and not just another man/woman/dog/raccoon wooed by his unbelievable charm. For a moment, you were someone.

And then I wasn't, because he cheated on me. Why would he?… But whatever! He deserves more, deserves better than me, although I must say, I am a pretty loyal fan girl.

I mean, I wouldn't cry if Duncan told me not to! I'll always follow Duncan's rules, because as we can see following in the steps of a cheating-lying-stealing-teenage-deliquent-who-doesn't-understand-the-real-world will DEFINITELY pay off later in life.

If he _allowed me _to, of course I would cry! Who wouldn't? When he left you, he left with your life! You have no meaning anymore! I'm really surprised that Courtney didn't just jump out of the plane right then, because she had hurt Duncan too many times, and yeah, she deserved it, but how could she live through it? She must be delusional if she thinks she even has a point anymore without Duncan. I mean really? If you ask me, she should just beg him back, and if he says no… well then, who cares what happens to her? I sure don't.

OK, but he does ROCK the unibrow! Again, people. Are you seriously having trouble comprehending this SMEXINESS?

Bad boy, jerk, same thing, right? I mean, your definition of jerk is apparently the same as my definition of 'hottest sexy thing I've ever seen in my whole stupid life than wouldn't have purpose without that luscious green Mohawk that I want to have in my hands and OMG DO I WANNA F*CK YOU!'. So, if we are going according to those definitions, YES, Duncan is quite a jerk.

Wow. Traitor. What had to stop? Your sanity flow to your brain? You just totally lost respect from the only thing that will ever mean anything: Duncan. You had better start loving him ASADWYT! (As soon as Duncan wants you to)

And who the f*ck is Ed?

Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club

_-Duncan-Duncan-Duncan-_

Dear Super Duncan Fan Club:

If Duncan was a piece of clothing, what would he be?

Sincerely, Fashionable Faux-hawk

Dear Fashion:

Interesting question. It'd be AWESOME to have a Duncan clothes line! I'd so shop for that.

But anyways, in answer to your question… he'd be a bra. For obvious reasons. Because who wouldn't want that holding up your twins?

Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club

A/N: 'The twins'. Like Katie and Sadie?

Major thanks to neko-naito and xXxPaperFlowersxXx for the letters!

Thanks for reading, everyone!


	7. Duncan Luva, Heather Fan Boy, Jail Bird

**Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club**

Dear Super Duncan Fan Club:

I LOVE DUNCAN! But my friend says Duncan is just a big fat cheater that can't control relationships. What should I tell her?

Sincerely, Duncan Luva

(Submitted by: Ducan Luva ())

Dear Luv:

Your friend is obviously demented.

I mean, no offence, because this isn't all that offensive, but is she like, totally unattractive with bad hair or something? Because that's the way that most people who hate on Duncan look. Jealous little bastards! Just because you can't be as hot as him doesn't mean that you have to throw dirt on him! You know why? Because he'd still be clean! That's right. Duncan comes with built in Scrub n' Bubbles.

It's great that you love Duncan, girly, but honestly, you need to get some new friends. Because if you continue hanging out with dumb ass little bitches like that, we'll have to include you in the 'Duncan haters' category, which means you will die. Take that any way you want to!

A big, fat cheater? First off, Duncan is so not fat! He's got like, abs that kill people. You know, because they're so shiny and glossy and ROCK HARD and other shit. I mean, how could you even call Duncan fat? Or big? I mean, unless you're talking about his d***, you don't know what you're talking about.

And does she have something against fat people? I mean, it's not cool! She needs to go find Owen and apologize immediately. What a bitch! I mean, who acts like that? Just spazzing out over little tiny things.

Wait a second.

…Wait a second…

CAN'T CONTROL RELATIONSHIPS?

You're friend…

Well, you're friend is…

A whore! An ass! I hate her already! Duncan doesn't have to control relationships! He is in control of the world, he doesn't have time to worry about such petty things such as love!

Shame, shame! I can't believe you, as a Duncan lover, allowed her to speak those foul words from her mouth! You really need to go find her and totally pimp slap that hoe.

Here's what you should tell her:

"Why don't you go f*ck Harold, since you hate Duncan so much? Oh wait, you can't, because you're saving yourself for Duncan? Oh well, too bad, bitch, take a number. Everyone is waiting for a chance to tap that."

Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club

-_Duncan-Duncan-Duncan_-

To the supposed 'Super Duncan Fan Club':

You group of insane fan-girls are extremely freaked out wrong. I understand you idiots killing yourself if it wasn't for Duncan, just like I'd kill myself is Heather wasn't on the show. But seriously! You all are becoming 'Sierras'. Only, her three words to Cody would be I LOVE YOU. And yours to Duncan are 'F*ck me now!' I'm calling the insane asylum on you chicks.

Sincerely, a Random Heather Fan boy.

PS: I really AM calling the insane asylum on you all!

(Submitted by: Destroyahirismix666)

Dear Heather Fan:

Wow, are you really than crazy?

You do know that the Heather Fan Club is run by the Super Duncan Fan Club, right? It's a club inside of our club. By pleading love to Heather, you also promised it to Duncan! Aha!

… You want proof? Well, um… you don't need any! Take our word! We swear on Duncan, and lord knows that Duncan would **NEVER** tell a lie!

Yeah, yeah! See? We win!

Yeah, we would kill ourselves if Duncan wasn't here, but we don't have to worry about that. He's never going to die, so, you know. We're OK. Because he's never going to die! Don't try to argue, asshole!

Becoming Sierra's? Don't even compare us to her! She isn't even half as great at worshipping as we are. She's pathetic. I mean, she's so low on the obsessed scale, the call her stalker. And that's not even close to what we are! She's also bad at worshipping due to the fact that she's worshipping THE WRONG GUY!

I mean, hello, Duncan deserves all the love! Really, he deserves it. Think of all the great things he's done in life. Saved a bunny, cheated on girls, threatened many people's mental and physical health…

Oh, gosh, he's just so perfect!

Yeah, of course those are our words! Because there's no time for love- I want Duncan to put his hands on me. Oh, if that happened, I would never bathe again!

… I'm completely serious.

Well, have fun calling them! Hope you know that we've already been there twelve times, and it just gets better! Each time, Duncan comes to us in our dreams and gives us hints on how to escape! It's not going to be a problem getting out _one more time_.

And we believe that you are calling them! Tell Jim I said hi, and that we finally got him that naked picture of Duncan he wanted!

Even though you seem pretty freakin' stupid, we'll say that we do have hope for you. So forget Heather and come join!

Yeah, but really, tell Jim we had the picture. He needs it, apparently, because he has… needs.

Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club

-_Duncan-Duncan-Duncan_-

Dear Super Duncan Fan Club:

What would you do if Duncan was sent away to prison for life?

Sincerely, Jail Bird

Dear Jail Bird:

Well, I don't know about you, but I'd go out and murder someone and get sent to prison too! Then, I could convince Duncan I was a man, and then he might just butt-f*ck me!

I could only hope!

Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club

A/N: Dear lord, the profanity! :D

Thanks to Ducan Luva () and Destroyahirismix666 for the letters!

Thanks for reading!


	8. Penguins, Hawkfire, Calling All Fans

**Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club**

Dear 'Crazy People With No Life' aka Super Duncan Fan Club:

You do know he is a cartoon and a FICTIONAL character? And in what world is a unibrow hot?

Have you seen Noah? That's what I call HOT! DOUBLE HOT when his hair is wet.

Duncan isn't a God, his name is... forgot, is he a roman god, Greek god, ancient Egyptian god? I THINK NOT, GET A LIFE!

I love DXC, no offense, I just wanted to give you tips and information on what sane is.

Sincerely, PenguinsRcute

(Submitted by: PenguinsRcute not logged in ())

Dear Penguin:

You see, um, you got our name wrong up there! Don't worry, a lot of people misspell…

…Wait.

…

Oh…!

You were calling us crazy people with no life, not misspelling something, huh? HUH? Well then, that changes things.

When you say that we 'have no life', that kind of hurts, because I mean, I'm living, I'm breathing (though on the verge of hyperventilation due to this thingy that I do every time I think about Duncan, which is every second of the day), I'm typing! So, you saying that we 'have no life' doesn't make any sense! I'm very much sure that I am alive, my other SDFC officials are alive! Unless we're zombies or something, but whatever!

Crazy? Crazy? CRAZY?

Crazy for Duncan love, you mean! It's not crazy if it's F*CKING AWESOME, BETCHES!

So don't call us 'Crazy people with no lives'! We have. A. Life. It's being The Super Duncan Fan Club! We write letters everyday and stalk Duncan, and then we eat cookies that have been made to look like Duncan, then we rant about Duncan, try to find him, stalk him, TOUCH HIM!...

Yeah, it's the life!

Whoa, whoa, wait! He is NOT a fictional cartoon character! He's F*CKING real! I know this in my heart because you can't be this obsessive about something that isn't real. Being obsessive, ranting, and defending things that aren't real would mean I was mental!

And I am not mental!

I think you meant to ask 'in what world is that unibrow NOT hot?' The smexiness of that unibrow ceases to amaze me, other girls, grown men, and aliens everyday! Anyone looking a Duncan for a moment is like a sex deprived jail sentenced prisoner watching a hard core porn video! It's just AWESOME.

Yeah, I've seen Noah, and I'm pretty sure I DON'T wanna see him again! OH, YOU JUST GOT DPWND! (Duncan PWND)

That's what you call hot? THAT thing is what you call hot! Oh, dear lord, I swear I just had a giggle fit and I almost had a stroke! (Again, the Duncan hyperventilation)

I mean, thinking Noah is the hottest thing makes your hot standards SUPER low. Like, they are like, Duncan standards multiplied by negative infinity and some more numbers that are big… Wait, what?

Oh, right! Noah is so not hot!

When his hair is wet? F*ck that! I bet he smells like wet dog and armpit, and not even the good type of armpit, like Duncan's. But the gross type of armpit. With no deo. (EWW)

Oh, he doesn't have to be one of those gods! He's a god all his own! He makes your world go round, bay-bay.

Oh, just go f*ck yourself, Courtney-lover! She's a bitch and so are you for hating Duncan but somehow 'loving D/C'. What a bunch of bull sh*t. You know who you sound like? You sound like this one bitch on FF dot net that makes a story that makes fun of our fan club! She's always claiming she doesn't like Duncan but likes D/C. I mean WTF, makes no sense, right?

Well, we don't need your tips! We have Duncan, asshole!

So suck on THAT!

Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club

_-Duncan-Duncan-Duncan-_

Dear Idiots:

I used to like Duncan, then he cheated on Courtney and now I hate him. And Noah is a hell of a lot better than Duncan will ever be.

Go jump off a bridge- because I just heard Duncan tell you too.

Sincerely, Hawkfire111

(Submitted by: hawkfire111)

Dear Hawk:

Oh, real freaking mature. 'Dear Idiots'. Just real nice. Really nice. You can't put 'dear' in front of something that you DON'T hold dear! You should be writing 'Dear Duncan, please let me f*ck you because I'm a Noah-lover with no life!'

And he would say NO, because you hated on his fan girls. See? Payback's a BITCH.

He cheated on Courtney. Yes. Thank god all of you dumb asses have finally gotten that through your thick-as-Duncan's-c***-skulls.

And here is the next thing you need to process:

No one gives a crap! Courtney was a little asshole and she deserved to be cheated on. Yeah, that's right, go ahead and gasp like how all you little non-Duncan-supporters love to do. He was right to cheat on her! I'd love him even if he did it a million more times. So you just missed out. Because Courtney means nothing! NOTHING, I TELL YOU!

Not compared to my Duncan hubby wubby, at least.

Oh, I'm not even having this discussion about Noah again. F*ck that bastard! Is he really fierce competition to Duncan? No, the answer is no. Because… because… he just isn't! Gosh!

Duncan wouldn't say that! He would not!

… Did he really? Because I can…

Wait a minute! I'm not falling for that again! It wasn't funny when my brother played that joke on me, and it's not funny now!

Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club

_-Duncan-Duncan-Duncan-_

Dear Super Duncan Fan Club:

Ugh, letters are so old! How else can I contact you?

Sincerely, Calling All Duncan Fans

Dear Calling:

While we don't appreciate your criticism in our systems of letters, we do understand. We're always looking for new 'stylish' ways to stalk Duncan. I'm so glad we can text now! It's so much easier to hunt down Duncan's phone number so we can say:

_OMGeezus can u plz com ovr her and eff me til da brek of dawn cuz that wold b hotnessssses!1! com on Duncan-poo u no u wanna ;D 3 3 3 u 4eva _

Oh yeah! You should follow us on twitter, tumblr, Facebook, MySpace, and formspring!

**Psh-shaw**! No, we're just kidding! I mean who the f*ck has a MySpace anymore? Only Duncan hating lame-o's use that site!

Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club

A/N: I mean really, though? Who uses MySpace anymore?

Cereal: *raises hand silently* I do…

SDFC: UGH! Get out of here.

:D But really! I don't have a twitter, or a formspring, and I have ABSOLUTELY no idea what tumblr is. All I know is that people are always asking me to 'follow' them. Um, if I did that, I'd be a member of the SDFC, wouldn't I?

Thanks so much to PenguinsRcute not logged in () and hawkfire111 for the letters!

And thanks to everyone for reading!


	9. Kelsica2, Kick Me Awake, Broken Hearted

**Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club**

Dear Super Duncan Fan Club:

You keep saying that Duncan cheating on Courtney with Gwen is justifiable because he's too wicked sexy awesome for just one girl. I happen to find Trent wickeder, sexier and awesomer than Duncan. If Trent cheated on someone, would that be okay or is it only cool when Duncan does it, y'know, because of the wicked sexy awesome Greek God thing?

Sincerely, Kelsica2

(Submitted by: Kelsica2)

Dear Kels:

Yup! He is really wicked sexy awesome. I just love the way you worded that. Gosh, I mean, if only everyone could…

Oh.

So you like Trent?

…

Um, eww! Gross! What is up with every liking these guys who obviously are not as great as Duncan? Noah, Trent, Cody, all these little lame asses who probably have really small d*cks anyway; these are the people that you guys choose to like? I mean, I remember back when the world made sense, when all the bitches wanted Duncan. Now it's like the freaking 'I-love-ugly-ass-people' apocalypse has come and over taken all you poor souls!

I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel sorry for you and all those other people! I mean, you've been hit with the worst disease EVER, the one that deprives you of recognizing Duncan's ultimate sex-you-up powers.

See, Duncan's sex-you-up powers are super powers that no one else but he himself posses. He can look at you and make you feel like you just got the best sex of your life. Hell, he cannot look at you and make you feel that way! Telepathically, Duncan can make you feel like you just got the best birthday sex that you will ever have the chance or pleasure of receiving in your whole life. He is that. Damn. Powerful.

So when you say that Trent is quote: 'wickeder, sexier and awesomer', you confuse me! Are you trying to claim that Trent has _better _sex-you-up powers than Duncan? Because you are seriously stupid. Only Duncan has those powers, duh-dur! No one else can claim the power that makes you want to be his sex slave for life, most definitely not TRENT! He wishes he could have a hot relationship with Duncan, just as you do, underneath it all!

I mean who doesn't want to have sex with Duncan? I know that some of you claim there are things about his personality that upset you (which makes no sense- he's a fire loving delinquent who jokes on ugly children), or that you don't like his cheating (and please, just get over yourselfs, get off Courtney, and get onto Duncan, betches). But there is one thing that you guys just can't say, because every damn time you say it, I know you're lying, because it's just not possible!

You guys always say this:

_Duncan is ugly!_

I feel wrong for even typing those words. I'm going to do a silent prayer to the Duncan gods so that they don't kill me for typing such raw and evil words. Those words should never even be in the same sentence! How can you guys lie and say that you don't want Duncan to f*ck you until the sun comes up, goes back down, comes BACK up, until he says that he's hungry and you need a few minutes to cool off, supposing that your body hasn't already burned to smithereens at the heat and intensity level of the situation of being in the same bed as DUNCAN?

Huh? How can you lie about that?

So don't ever type those words in the same sentence! Not unless you're adding in a few more, such as this:

_Bastards who don't wanna do Duncan are fake and can eat a d*ck because he most definitely isn't ugly!_

What? No! Trent could not get away with this! Of course, it all depends on who he's cheating on- if he's cheating on Gwen, well whatever, oh pooh, who gives a f*ck? We hate that bitch anyway.

But if it's like, someone who is a fan girl of Duncan (why she would be dating TRENT, we'll never know), well then, Trent, its bitching time! Duncan would come and kick his ass because you CAN'T TOUCH the fan girls! We make sure that Duncan is defended and in return, he kicks Trent's ass. That's the way the world goes around.

So, in short: STFU! No more Trent talk. Now go watch Duncan on the T.V. and squeal like you know you want to.

Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club

_-Duncan-Duncan-Duncan-_

Dear Super Duncan Fan Club:

If you met someone exactly like Duncan (bad boy, rebellious, green Mohawk, gorges blue eyes, goddish looks), would you jump/have sex with him? I know I would ;)

Sincerely, Kick Me Awake

(Submitted by: Kick Me Awake)

Dear Kick:

Omigod! Someone just like Duncan… Is that even possible? As I've already said, we've been working on our Duncan cloning device, but nothing seems to be working yet. I could only imagine a whole world full of Duncan's! Gosh, that would be so… so… just so perfect! It makes my whole entire life worthwhile when it comes to dreams like that.

I have a dream… I mean, this is much more important than MLK or Gandhi. If we lived in a world of Duncan's, world peace would be achieved, right? I mean, imagine it! Vandals everywhere, torturing nerds, lighting things on fire, gosh! It would just be oh-so beautiful!

But then again, the guy could be a total poser. Many people like to copy off of Duncan, I mean, who doesn't want a green Mohawk?

Anyways, of course I would have sex with him! But only under Duncan's permission. If Duncan saw him to be too much of a threat, I'd probably kill him.

…I'm not joking! I'd kill the sexy bastard for trying to take attention from Duncan!

But, before I killed him, I'd ask him if he could give me some tips on he was able to look like that. Because you have to admit- dude must have worked FOREVER to reach even close to Duncan standards.

Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club

-_Duncan-Duncan-Duncan-_

Dear Super Duncan Fan Club:

Do you think Duncan has ever been dumped?

Sincerely, Broken Hearted

Dear Broken:

I highly doubt it. And whatever bitch did that was totally out of her mind! She probably was the devil, wasn't she? She was. She was totally the most evil bitch to hit the planet!

…Wait a minute.

It was Courtney, wasn't it?

Like I said, most evil bitch to hit the planet.

Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club

A/N: Thanks to Kelsica2 and Kick Me Awake for the letters!

Thanks to everyone for reading!


	10. AnaBoji15,PuNkYGirL29,DuncanLuva,Nagasha

**Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club**

Dear Super Duncan Fan Club:

Did anyone get the chance to see Duncan's "Band"? Also what do you think of the Scruffy incident?

Sincerely, AnaBoji15

(Submitted by: AnaBoji15 ())

Dear Ana:

Did anyone get the chance to see that sexy band? Are you for real? I mean, how can you doubt us like that? Like we are just some random Duncan lovers that aren't fully committed? Because the truth is that we are so fully committed- I mean SO fully committed… I mean like, my life has been spent being more committed to this that I have no precious childhood memories or close friends because this is my F*CKING LIFE, like it's all I do, it's all I live, it's all I breath, and if I could eat Duncan-love, you can guarantee that I sure as hell would, bitch!

What was I talking about? Wait. Right! I am so fully committed to Duncan that it hurts when you ask me that question. That's an insult. Like, really. I understand your curiosity, but your question really should have gone like this:

"Did anyone get the chance to see Duncan's "Band" other than the Super Duncan Fan Club because they were so totally obviously on the spot because they followed Duncan all the way across the world- no, like, fo-serious, they did, no joke, no lie, no DEF JK- because they love him more than the stars and the moon and the sun and junk and I have no doubt that they were obviously there, already taking pictures and trying to touch Duncan before those bitches Courtney and Gwen got up and stole him from the stage and ruined their new photo-album that was going to go over their blog and THEY STOLE DUNCAN AWAY BEFORE WE COULD TOUCH HIM!...?"

That would have been a hell-of-a-good question to ask.

But, anyways, since you apparently love to insult us, we will be the bigger person and answer you're ridiculous question.

As you should already know, we were there. The Super Duncan Fan Club goes to every single one of Duncan's concerts. We have been banned over 62 times and our pictures are up at every club you go to, listed as people who most definitely aren't allowed in. That's why usually, if you look for us, you won't see us. We are always dressed up as creepy men with hats on and long trench coats to hide from view. BUT- if you lit up those trench coats, you will see our beautiful 'SDFC' shirts underneath, with Duncan's face on the front!

These are really awesome shirts, by the way. We work our asses off on these things. Like, we put so much time and dedication into all things Duncan that we should win some prize. Yeah. A prize for most obsessed Duncan fans. Yes! I love it!

And Duncan's band is rocking! I know all the words to all of songs and stuff. The Super Duncan Fan Club is making a site for their band, because one day they'll be super famous, because that's most definitely going to happen, because there is no doubt in anyone mind that Duncan had supreme talent!

But anyway, I know that a lot of people have gone to see Duncan's band, but once, I could have sworn I saw Geoff in the crowd. Gay-asshole. He's mine. Get the f*ck away from Duncan and back to your little surfer-veggie bitch… bitch!

And the scruffy incident? Didn't we already discuss this? It's the same damn thing that happened to Peaty. Same thing. I refuse to believe that Duncan would actually love that damn spider, though… I'm gonna call the devil on your ass and have you burnt to a crisp just like that bunny fool! If there is one thing all of you people out there need to learn, it's Duncan love. The next is the ability to freaking listen the us first time we tell you things!

I mean, sheesh, we are being really generous here people. Gosh.

Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club

_-Duncan-Duncan-Duncan-_

Dear Super Duncan Fan Club:

Courtney once said "My heart can't be swayed by just any tattooed bad boy oozing danger out of every pore."

Do you think Duncan has a tattoo, besides the one from Celebrity Manhunt? If so, where do you think it is? And do you agree with Courtney's statement?

Sincerely, PuNkYGirL29

(Submitted by: PuNkYGirl29)

Dear Punky:

Oh, gosh, Courtney quotes. I have never hated anyone that much before, except for Gwen, maybe. Gwen sucks. So does Courtney! Not as much as Gwen, but she equally sucks. Because Courtney is to Gwen as Eva is to Beth… they are both pretty rank, but one is more than the other, catch my drift? …I think I just hurt myself a little, but whatever!

Of course Duncan has another besides the one that he shares with the wretched bitch! It's a big, pink heart, located right on his ass, that says 'I love the SDFC'. So, if any of you guys think that Duncan isn't hot, and remembering, you're going to die if you don't stop that, then you can kiss Duncan's tattooed ass… if he will grace you with that pleasure.

Do I agree with Courtney's statement? Who do you think we are? She is a lying little bitch! Of course her heart was 'swayed' by the almighty power of Duncan, you can obviously tell that by how much she cried over him (and tears don't make Duncan happy, so don't do it, girl) and why wouldn't she be? It's hard to look at Duncan without pouncing and wanting to rape him every six seconds! I know when I first started watching Total Drama Island, I broke the TV screen about sixteen times trying to break through and plant a kiss on the baby smooth heavenly cheek of his…

So no, I most definitely don't agree with that dumbass statement, and don't drag Courtney into my territory anymore. She f*cking sucks ass, and she had better hope that tattoo on her arm is fake, or we will bite it off!

Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club

_-Duncan-Duncan-Duncan-_

Dear Super Duncan Fan Club:

YOU ARE SO RIGHT ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID! Anyways, we all know Gwen's a B***H. How hot would you describe Duncan, F**K me right now hot, have my babies hot, or both?

Sincerely, Duncan Luva

(Submitted by: Duncan Luva ())

Dear Duncan Luva:

Oh, well, thank you. I'm blushing. Of course we were right about what we said! You are so totally going to Duncan heaven for that one, girly!

Yes, we do all know Gwen is a bitch. Deep down in everyone's heart, even those stupid Gwen fans who have convinced themselves that there is something worthwhile about that disgusting little piece of shit that dare touch Duncan, they know that she is a true, grade A bitch. Nothing more. I mean, really though. For one, she went and tried to seduce Duncan, and that's just wrong! Everyone knows that they are ours, ours, ours, and no one else!... But, Duncan can do whatever he likes. Yeah, whatever Duncan wants, he gets. Even if it makes me want to sit in a corner in the fetal position and cry myself to sleep at night, Duncan can do whatever he wants to… even that dumb bitch.

How hot would I describe Duncan? Oh, I like this game! Okay, um, I guess I would describe Duncan as 'F*ck me right now on the spot so that I can have your babies and schedule our wedding unless you don't believe in traditional weddings that's cool too because I'd marry you anywhere anytime Duncan-poo because you are my life and soul and my freaking god and I love you with all my heart why won't you love me back Duncan WHY WON'T YOU LOVE ME BACK I need you in my life Duncan why are you calling security Duncan that's not fair hey these handcuffs aren't exactly comfortable don't worry Duncan I'll be back to have your babies in no time once I take my medication (ha, like I'm really going to take my medication) and then I shall be back to continue this love story and f*ck you until the break of dawn Duncan!'

… hot.

Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club

_-Duncan-Duncan-Duncan-_

Dear Super Duncan Fan Club:

What would you do if Duncan said he hated all of you?

What if he said he killed puppies and tried to use Necromancy to bring back Hitler?

Sincerely, Captain Question?

(Submitted by: Nagasha)

Dear Captain Question:

WHAT?

Duncan would never, ever say that! Duncan could never hate us, never! That is such a terrible thought that I have to totally make my mind a blank just to keep from fainting from shock… wait, what were we talking about? Okay, I'm better now.

If he killed puppies, I probably make 'Duncan kills puppies' buttons and sell them on the internet for five dollars a pop. And well, with the Hitler thing… at least he's trying to be creative?

Anyways, I agree with anything Duncan says! If Duncan wanted to kill a dog, dammit, Duncan shall kill a dog. I would supply him with as many greyhounds and jack russles as he needed- and PETA, you cannot get us for that _again!_

Love, The Super Duncan Fan Club

**Authors Note:**

I am so, so sorry for not updating in so long. I guess I was just getting kind of lazy. :( I shall try to updates faster, and answer more letters per chapter.

Also, I'm about to set a end date for the letters. They can't go on forever, sadly. But, if you want to submit a letter, do it now, because I will probably be setting the end date within the next few chapters…

The Super Duncan Fan Club wishes you well (unless you don't want Duncan love, bitches!)

Thanks for reading, and thanks to AnaBoji15 (), PuNkYGirL29, Duncan Luva () and Nagasha for the letters!


End file.
